Meh..

When I stepped into my home just minutes ago, I felt a cloud of emptiness descend upon me. It felt totally weird. It's like I have no purpose in life. I've never felt anything like this before.

I realised that everyone I know seems to be attached or pursuing their love interest, and are successful at it. Then there's me. All alone and loveless. Not a single blimp on my love radar. Sure, I like a certain miss Wardha from running EP and a certain miss Sarah from CG gems. But honestly, I can't see any of it going anywhere. I'm always contented to sit back and let nature do the work. "If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be"; is the mantra I (used to) live by. I can't see myself taking the initiative. I can't see myself making the first move.

I don't know what triggered this feeling. It just seems unfair that some people have all the luck in love. They break up and after a few short weeks (or days) of theatrical boo-hoo and exaggerated depression, they're up on their feet and walking hand in hand through Orchard Road with the guy/girl she/he met at last sunday's John Mayer gig. I guess this is denial coming full circle and biting me in the ass. Denial from the breakup eons ago. I thought I could live without love. I thought I didn't need it. I thought people who crave for it are fools searching for Pandora's box. But gosh without it, i feel so, so empty.